Stealth Brew (Tea) Making: What is an SBM?
In the office at sunshine, there are only 10 of us and one of those people doesn’t drink tea or coffee, so just 9 hot drink consumers. To save the arduous walk to the kitchen to get tea, we have a kettle, fridge and all the tools in our small office. So as you can imagine, when one person makes a cuppa, they tend to ask everyone if they want a drink too, very rarely will you get everyone say ‘Yes Please’. So at worst you might get done for 5-6 brews. Every one takes turns so it isn’t all bad.
However, recently it has come to light that we have, what has been named as, a ’Stealth Brew Maker’. A stealth brew maker or SBM, is someone who quietly makes them self a cuppa and then sits back down again, citing that they are too busy to make everyone else a drink, but when one is offered to them by another equally busy person they always accept the offer of a cuppa, even though they have no intention of returning the favour.
The SBM will always argue that they are too busy to make everyone a drink and why should they, its not part of their job. Whereas the Non-SBM will argue that they are just as busy as the SBM, yet they still take the time to lovingly craft their fellow office dwellers hot refreshment.
Now I can see both sides of the argument here. SBM is probably genuinely busy and wants to crack on with their work and Non-SBM - being the team player - appreciates everyone is busy, but if they scratch someone elses back i.e. make them a drink, then they will prob return the favour and scratch theirs.
Now just yesterday I was speaking to someone in the office and they had quite clearly just carried out a successful SBM run, as they had a tea in front of them and a guilty grin on their face. The argument this time, was ‘There was only enough milk for two. They had obviously forgotten the fully stocked kitchen not 100 yards from our office. Wait a minute there was enough for two teas? They had made a drink for their counterpart! Now we see a further progression of the SBM roll. ‘Group Stealth Brew Making’ or GSBM. Now part of me is thinking, this isn’t soo bad and it continues to mutate then we will eventually go full circle and be back to making everyone else a brew!
The only thing I am expecting to see now is the Anti-GSBM workers to rear their heads as they work against the SBM and the members of the GSBM and make their own drinks. Does this make the Anti-GSBM just another bunch of GSBM… ? I am confused and now my head hurts.
Awesome post. As long as I get a tea and don’t have to make one, I’m not fussed either way.
As the office grows, stealth tea making is essential if you drink more tea than most like I do. You end up making 3 or 4 cups a day which now takes about 20-25 minutes in our office due to the continual walks to the kitchen needed to replenish supplies. There reaches a point where you have to either:
1. Go thirsty while waiting for some lazy bastard to make the tea(not acceptable)or
2. Employ SBM tactics.
1 cup of tea take me approx 30 secs to make as I can boil the kettle with minimal water and be outta there…Stealth baby….ohhhh yeaaahhh…
Anyone making me a cuppa then??
Love it. I can see Ashworth’s point as i’m normally the one who has to fill the water bottle up every morning and get the milk and the cups! When did the lanky git make one last we all ask!!?
I would be happy to be making tea if I didnt get abuse in the way I make it
Im scared by this, and my tea making confidence has been shaken to its very core. (lindsay was getting up every 5 mins making one, so life was good) but now the office is getting devided into the SBM, the non-SBM and the not so secret,GSBM, oddly consisting of all the men in the office!!! Your secret is out!
The office is turning into a t bag war zone!!!
People of Sunshine….. MAKE TEA.. NOT WAR